I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
