HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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