Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
