I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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