i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
