K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
