my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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