but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
