dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
