mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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