If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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