It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize