You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
