I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
