Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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