We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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