I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We are all done wearing pants today
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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