i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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