I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
