About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
