Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you didnt know i had herpes?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
God I need to hump something, right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
