i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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