someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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