I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
