his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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