remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
