just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
