People in love make me want to vomit
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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