my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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