i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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