White coat. Heels.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
