you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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