Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
