so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
