four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
