so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
