Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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