I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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