A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
