I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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