What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
