Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
