I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
