Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
