if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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