the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
