Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
