Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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