When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
