break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
