dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
