i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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