i already hear my dad disowning me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
