did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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