chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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