I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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