i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
