Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
