My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
