it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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