oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
