Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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