Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
