did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
