If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
