We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're too hungover to prance.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize