Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
