I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
