i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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