So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
